


We All Know We Like Them Drunk

by bigasscutie



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Drunkenness, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Genderbending, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8423338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigasscutie/pseuds/bigasscutie
Summary: Two ladies on a mission to keep an eye on a young boy, but the question is: how drunk will they get in the meantime?





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, this whole thing was completely inspired by tegraliz.tumblr.com and their amazing art of Crowley and Aziraphale as beautiful amazing ladies and if I have to thank someone for the "inspiration" that would be them :') I hope you all enjoy this complete nonsense (because really, what even is the point of this story???) 
> 
> p.s. English is not my first language and I'm sorry already ehhhhh

“Well? How do I look?”

 

Aziraphale asked looking at herself in the mirror, tilting her head slightly as she frowned and adjusted her dress. She was wearing uncomfortable high heels and a black tight dress that showed her round curves and made her legs show; she had read in a magazine that black was supposed to slim a person down but she didn’t look that convinced. Still, she was an angel, an immortal creature, her shape never mattered much to her. There had been times when she would have looked like the most beautiful woman in her current weight, and now she was just about to be judged by hundreds of teenagers. That was probably the only reason why she asked Crowley for advice.

 

Crowley promptly appeared behind her and slid a sneaky arm around her shoulders, moving her blond curly hair from the side of her face to have a better view. She lowered her sunglasses (yes, she was wearing sunglasses at night, at home, shut up) and studied Aziraphale carefully from head to toe, possibly staring at her breasts for a bit too long, but hey, she was a demon for something. She pressed her glasses back against her small nose with a finger and smirked. 

 

“You look just like an angel.” 

 

“Ah, that’s amusing.” Aziraphale chuckled and turned her head to give Crowley a quick kiss on the cheek. Crowley didn’t want to admit it, but she blushed a little, damn. Her reputation was going to crumble one day and she would have only her plants to cry with. One thing she truly adored about her angel, though, was that every time she made one of those terrible jokes she wouldn’t roll her eyes or push her away. Oh, no, she would laugh. How absolutely adorable was that? Too much, let her tell you.

 

Aziraphale gave her a quick look too. “You look beautiful as well, my dear.” Oh my god, when was she going to stop? Crowley swallowed hard and pretended not to be utterly flattered and about to crawl back to hell because she would have felt colder there than where she was at the moment. 

 

“I know, when do I even  _ not  _ look amazing?” She joked and wiggled her black eyebrows. 

 

She decided to keep her eyes off Aziraphale for a moment (for health reasons) and checked herself in the mirror as well. Hell yeah she looked hot, the other woman was right. She was wearing black leather trousers that made her long legs look perfect, a tight red shirt and a leather jacket covered in studs. It was a casual look, but at least the heels made her look a bit more adequate for a Friday night out. She fixed her dark hair and nodded at her own reflexion as she smiled, proud of the way she looked. Vain was one of her top five sins, if you asked her.

 

“Are we ready to go?” She asked, eventually moving away and running her hand from Aziraphale’s shoulder down to her hand, holding it tight.

 

“Mh, I think so.” Aziraphale nodded and grabbed her purse. “I hope Adam will be there.” 

 

“Oh, he will.” Crowley sneered as they left the house. They climbed on the new Bentley (a new model too, sadly) and rode straight to the party where their old ‘friend’ would be too. 

 

***

 

As soon as they stepped into the club heavy air, smoke, and a strong smell of alcohol and sweat hit them hard. Not even hell stank like that, Crowley thought and grimaced. It wasn’t that she didn’t like a good party because, come on, she was always ready to have fun and get wasted to good music and a tasty drink, but that was a whole other world. Besides, they were all  _ so young.  _ There was no shame those days, no shame. (More victories at work for her, eh). She remembered the good old days when she could never say no to a party, back in the nineteenth century with her mad French friends. All poets, or something. They were crazy and had too many problems of their own, but they knew how to enjoy themselves alright. 

 

“Remind me why we’re here,  _ angel. _ ” Crowley asked, grabbing Aziraphale’s hand once again, she needed moral support. 

“Because we were told to keep an eye on Adam, don’t you remember?”

“Ugh, yes. Yes, of course I remember, that was a rhetorical question.”

“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale gave her a little tap on the shoulder. “There’s no need to be this dramatic. It won’t last forever.” 

“You’re actually enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Mh? What do you mean?” Aziraphale hid her guilty face. “Since when are you against this kind of parties, anyway? Don’t they mean more troubles for you, for hell? In the good way, you know.” 

“Sure. But that doesn’t mean  _ I  _ need to be here too. It’s just a matter of a few calls, really.”

 

Aziraphale nodded again, but she smiled. Crowley squinted her eyes and stared at her through her dark glasses, she could see a curious spark of excitement in her blue stare that yelled enthusiasm. “I can’t believe it, you really are enjoying this!”

Aziraphale mumbled like a true English woman. “There is nothing wrong with it.”    
“You understand, don’t you, that this is a completely different place than your library and you won’t find any books hidden in between sits or in the toilet?” 

“Of course. I did my research.”

“You did what?” Crowley laughed and shook his head.

“I used the internet and looked for things young people like doing these days. It was truly educational.”

“Oh my God.” 

“Please, language.” 

“Oh my Satan. Better?” Crowley rolled her eyes, she couldn’t believe her! 

“You weren’t joking, there really is something of a demon inside of you.” 

 

Aziraphale turned to face her and smiled, smirked. Crowley remained breathless for a moment, that was one of a series of  _ rare  _ smirks that would sometimes appear on her face, it was almost scary. Unexpected for sure.

 

“What do you say we get something to drink while we look for Adam and his friends?” Aziraphale whispered in Crowley’s ear, squeezing her hand meanwhile. Crowley smiled, loving this bad side of her best friend, and let her lead the way. 

 

Making their way through a drunken crowd of people who went from fifteen to twenty-five year old was the worst experience Crowley ever went through. How did fifteen years old even get in there? Who did allow them?! That wasn’t the problem, though, the problem was that both Aziraphale and she didn’t look that young at all. Okay, they didn’t look thousands year old as they actually were, but they still looked like young moms. Especially Aziraphale, and why were all those people staring at her anyway? Especially the boys, ew, take a chill pill.

 

Finally, they reached the bar. 

“That was disgusting.” Crowley complained and sighed, leaning on the counter and snapping her fingers to get the barista’s attention. “And do they really have to play Sean Paul?” 

“Who now?” Aziraphale asked, genuinely interested. 

“Wow, you are so innocent. So pure.” 

“It doesn’t sound that bad.” 

“I know. That’s why I hate it.” That made Aziraphale chuckle again, at least Crowley could focus on that and melt inside every time she would smile.

 

They ordered some drink Aziraphale had searched online too and turned around to look at the crowd and try to spot Adam. Someone made a comment about Crowley’s sunglasses and she almost made them trip and fall on the floor, but Aziraphale stopped her by resting a quiet hand on her arm. Crowley sighed and shifted a bit closer to Aziraphale, enjoying the only familiar smell she could find in that huge room, and hissed at every young man who tried to hit on her blonde friend. Nope. Nobody could do that, especially not those people. 

 

“Why did Adam have to grow up? Couldn’t he stay a young, innocent, naive boy with high morals and all that jazz forever?”

“That wouldn’t be fair. Or scientifically possible.”

“Detailsss.” Crowley let her ‘s’ resound, knowing nobody would hear her in the general mess. 

“I am sure he’s having fun.” 

“What? Wasting his liver away and accepting drugs from strangers?” 

“Is it possible that you might care?” Aziraphale gave her a look and smiled, knowing that yes, deep down inside Crowley did care about Adam. Hell, he had saved them all from years of hell. And not  _ her usual  _ hell. She was grateful.

“I’m just saying he’d be better off at a pub drinking a pint with his friends, that’s all.”

“Youth is all about experiences, and that’s what he’s doing right now.”

“Hu-hu, sure.” Crowley swallowed her drink all at once and ordered another one, stronger that time. 

 

“You had yours too, don’t you think?” 

Crowley smirked and smoothly brushed her hand up Aziraphale’s bare arm, it was soft to the touch, warm. “Mh. Maybe not enough, don’t  _ you  _ think?”

Finally,  _ finally,  _ she made Aziraphale’s cheeks flush and her voice stutter. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you d-” Crowley said, but a blond head caught her attention. 

“Oh! There he is. Our boy.” She pointed at her right and showed Aziraphale where Adam was. Older and tall and with the face of a typical British teenager.

“Oh my, they grow up so fast.” She sighed and placed her head against the palm of her hand. Crowley merely shrugged. 

“I’m fine with it as long as he doesn’t decide to kill us all and actually cause an apocalypse” 

“True. I agree.”

“What now?” 

“Mh, I suppose we stay here and see if anything happens. If they sent us here tonight, there must be a reason.”

“Yes, it’s called useless paranoia.”

“Or maybe there is some sort of prophecy we don’t know about.” 

Crowley raised her eyebrows, drinking from her glass. “Please.”

“Let’s try to enjoy the rest of the night, shall we?”

“Fine.” 

 

Useless to say that, since there was nothing much to do there except for keeping strangers away and chatting about everything and nothing, Crowley could do anything but drink. Aziraphale, who seemed to have a much better time by merely observing people having fun, drank her fair share too, only she didn’t know how to old her liquor and that… was plenty interesting. Crowley had ordered the strongest kind of alcohol, and only after an hour or so she started to feel the first symptoms. Her best friend, angel, whatever she was and had been, was red in the cheeks and slightly sweaty. Crowley had taken her jacket off a while ago and tried to feel comfortable, but as soon as she started to feel the light intoxication filling her body up she began to loosen up. Her voice got louder, her hands became restless, her eyes flew down and away from Aziraphale’s face more than once. 

 

“...and that was how I sold that old woman the last copy of Pride and Prejudice. It was the very first edition, you know, and she only paid five pounds for it! Can you believe it?” Aziraphale excitedly finished her story, which Crowley wasn’t listening to, and smiled drunk and proud of her benevolent act. Wow.

“Mr. Darcy was an arrogant asshole. And Elizabeth never understood how fun parties could be.” Crowley tched and shook her head. 

“Fun as this one?” Aziraphale chuckled and shook her head. Crowley had to control herself from… well, doing anything at all. Why were they even drinking? Note to herself: avoid getting drunk with your best friend as known as the longest crush on the history of crushes if possible. (Not that they had never gotten drunk together, but last time had been a matter of life and death. This was just… fun. Kinda. Nobody was going to die, at least.)

“Nah. This one sucks.” 

“Oh, does it?”

“I mean, do you actually want to compare it to victorian parties?”

“But, darling, what was so special about those? They were always a bit boring if you had nobody to dance with.” Aziraphale asked innocently even though the word ‘darling’ made Crowley flush and feel a rush of heat invading her skinny body. Crap. “Even though I have to admit that yes, the dancing was very nice indeed.” 

Crowley smiled. “Not only that.” 

“What else do you mean?” Aziraphale hiccuped once and quickly covered her mouth with her hand, cute. 

“The clothes.” 

“The clothes?” 

“Yes. I freaking loved that century.” Crowley blushed and grinned while her mind brought her back to two hundred years before when Aziraphale would wear long, extravagant dresses tight on the waist and even tighter around the chest. Oh, damn, she sure as hell had loved that period of time. Bless 19th century’s fashion, to be honest.

 

Aziraphale’s blue eyes shone and she grinned back. Did she even know why Crowley was smiling? Well, knowing her, she was smart enough to understand although sometimes she was seriously dense. Maybe alcohol helped. 

“Would you do me the honour of dancing with me, my dear?” Aziraphale suddenly asked, stepping away from the counter and staring at Crowley, her expression the mirror of hope and enthusiasm. She used old words, words Crowley hadn’t heard in.... well,  _ actually _ , centuries. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I don’t know, can you even stand on your feet?” Crowley made a little fun of her, shh.

Aziraphale gasped, offended but amused. “I am deeply offended.” 

“No, you aren’t.” Crowley winked at her. The angel rolled her eyes and grinned. 

“No, I’m not. Shall we?” 

 

Crowley dragged at the center of the large room, in the middle of the crowd, and didn’t hesitate to put her hands on Aziraphale’s waist while the angel had her arms around her neck. They were slow dancing, yes, while Sean Paul was playing… again. Such a classic. They were probably too drunk to care, to notice, or to tell others to piss off when they started to look at them in a weird way. Aziraphale kept giggling while Crowley couldn’t help but stare at her sweet kind smile and squeeze her hands a little tighter around her back. 

“This music makes me want to twerk.” She said, rolling her eyes and wishing for someone, anyone, to put something else on. 

“What is a twerk?” Aziraphale frowned and tilted her head innocently, her blues eyes damp from the alcohol. 

“Oh my God.” Crowley burst out into laughter, almost stepping on her angel’s foot. 

“What is it? Why are you laughing?” Aziraphale was even more confused now, it was hilarious. 

“Of course you don’t know what twerking is, of course. Why would you? Oh, sweetie, I hope you never learn.” 

“That is unfair! Teach me.” 

“Absolutely not.” Crowley refused as she kept chuckling, bending her head into the crook of Aziraphale’s neck to hide herself. 

“You can ask your friend Adam, though, I’m sure he knows all about that.” The demon continued as she pulled her head back up and found herself closer to Aziraphale than she thought. She gulped. Red alert,  _ too close!  _

“Well, then, I’ll ask him now.” Aziraphale was about to turn around and sprint towards the young boy, forgetting that they were supposed to be there on a “secret mission”, but Crowley  gently grabbed her wrist and stopped her. She pulled the blonde back and shook her head, a grin still printed on her smug face.

“Oh no, you won’t.” She said softly, utterly entertained by Aziraphale’s stubbornness. 

Aziraphale put up a displeased expression and tilted her chin up, refusing to keep dancing with Crowley. 

“Don’t do that now, it was nothing important.” Crowley tried to win her back, smoothly making her hands run up from her back to her neck. She knew Aziraphale was weak when it came to light touches like that. (Don’t ask her how she knew, though.)

 

Aziraphale shivered and rolled her head to get rid of the sudden ticklish feeling. “I am ready to bet that it was.” 

“Please.” Crowley snorted and raised her eyebrows, making her understand that, nope, it wasn’t. Still, she thought for a second about Aziraphale twerking and the image made her laugh. It would have been a hell of a sight. Or a heaven of a sight? You choose. 

“Maybe I can show you later.” Crowley promised amused and the other woman’s face lightened up. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’ll regret it.” They let the subject drop, luckily.

 

They didn’t slow dance for much longer as someone handed them more (free, wow) drinks and they gradually got  _ actually drunk _ . Adam eventually spotted them both and forcedly pushed them outside the club, upset that They had sent them to spy on him but still amused by the way they greeted him, especially Aziraphale. He called a taxi and convinced them to go home, more specifically to Crowley’s house because Aziraphale couldn’t even remember her address. Crowley complained and moaned as she got into the car and sort of wondered what was happening since she was sure she was dancing just a minute before. When the taxi driver stopped in front of her building and told them that they had to pay Crowley waved her hand and accidentally sew his mouth forever. Whoops. Aziraphale slapped her arm but laughed, not even bothering to free the poor man from his new annoying curse. 

 

“He called us ladies!” Aziraphale mumbled as they were both trying to climb the few stairs necessary to get to the elevator. She was referring to Adam telling them they were ‘ladies’ and that the club wasn’t a place for such old people, or for old people drinking that amount of alcohol. Tch, kids. What did he know? They were immortal creatures! And ladies kicked ass all the time anyway.

“I know! Can you believe it?” Crowley groaned and saved herself from falling on her butt by leaning on her friend’s shoulder. 

 

They managed to get to Crowley’s apartment, even though finding the keys and opening the door did test their mental abilities, and immediately took their shoes off. Life without heels on was a whole other thing. 

“Finally.” Crowley bent over herself and massaged her poor feet. When she lifted her head she saw Aziraphale walking over her bedroom and taking her dress off… okay? Not that Crowley had enough neurons left to figure out what was happening, but that was rude. And unexpected. And great.

 

And she was a drunk demon, mh. 

 

She chuckled to herself and stumbled her way to the kitchen to at least drink a glass of water (luckily she was still lucid enough to distinguish normal water from holy water) that made her feel a little better. 

When she walked into her bedroom she was expecting a naughty Aziraphale sensually lying on her bed waiting for her… well, she wished. The angel had thrown herself on the mattress and was lying there like a beached whale, still in her underwear, though. Crowley couldn’t control herself and laughed again as she changed herself putting a long shirt on as a pajamas. She joined the angel then, letting herself fall down and enjoying the pleasant comfort of the soft bed. Aziraphale turned her head and let out a shy chuckle. Oh, so she was still awake. 

 

“Twerk...” She mumbled and Crowley palmed her face, shifting to the side. 

“I was hoping you would forget.”

“Tomorrow.” 

“More like never.”

“But you promised-” Crowley  unceremoniously spread a hand over her face to shut her up and chuckled as the other complained in her drunken state. 

“Maybe we’re not that young anymore.” Crowley commented thinking that it was absolutely tragic that she a) couldn’t find the energy to magically sober up as she would usually do and b) kept finding Aziraphale so cute that she had trouble breathing. Not that she even had to breathe to survive. 

 

“Old is wise.” Aziraphale stated, nodding in the pillow and closing her eyes as to emphasize the importance of her words. Crowley snorted. 

“At least we don’t look as old as we actually are.” 

“You do.” 

“Oi!” 

“No-” Aziraphale giggled, her hand catching Crowley’s one as she mindlessly started playing with her fingers. “You just look as old as you are inside, which is fine.” 

“And how old am I supposed to be  _ inside _ ?” 

 

Aziraphale avoided the question, which Crowley knew was going to be sort of offensive, and smiled at her as she closed the distance between them. She booped the demon’s nose with her own and sighed happily. Well, who even was the kid there? But as much as Crowley would have liked to make fun of her childish behaviour she felt butterflies flying in her stomach and her cheeks burn. For Satan’s sake! That wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“I’m drunk.” She said lowering her voice and trying to justify herself for the blushing or the shaking hand resting on Aziraphale’s arm. 

“ _ We’re  _ drunk, dear.” 

Crowley smirked, pretending not to be as nervous as she was, which was absurd. “What are you going to do about it?” 

 

Aziraphale studied her face for a long moment and squinted her blue eyes. Then, her expression relaxed and she placed a light kiss on Crowley’s lips. Crowley, who froze and widened her eyes because of the surprise. Now... they had already kissed in the past but it was always for, uhm, job related reasons. And last time had been decades ago! The demon always felt like kissing Aziraphale, but she knew that the angel was too shy, too embarrassed, or too morally just to give in, and that was the main reason of her surprise. 

Before Aziraphale could completely back away Crowley slid a quick hand to grab her nape and pulled her closer, kissing her properly this time. Aziraphale silently gasped but didn’t complain, letting Crowley deepen the kiss and smile against her lips. Finally. The demon’s internal rattle tail was playing a song of victory in the back of her mind, but, alas, they were still drunk and too exhausted so the kiss didn’t last too very long. 

 

“Now,” Aziraphale cleared her throat, she was the one burning up now. Eh. “I’m fairly positive that counts as goodnight.” 

Crowley rolled her golden eyes and nodded. “And I’m fairly sure I will have wonderful dreams tonight.” They grinned at each other like teenagers in love. 

 

Aziraphale rolled to the other side and Crowley cuddled her from behind, holding her hand and trying not to break her other arm to find a comfortable position. They fell asleep like that, hugging and with an ineffable sense of happiness and fondness drawn on their lips. Adam and their superiors could wait until morning. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
